Blowing the lid off Homeschooling

January 28, 2004

Regular readers of Daryl Cobranchi, Chris O'Donnell and the Homeschooling Revolution (to name but a few)--bloggers who are positively fanatical and self-serving with their views on "homeschooling"--may think that "homeschools" are all fine and dandy.

Don't be fooled.

Where is the standardization? Where are the certified teachers? Where is the state- and locally-approved sex-ed curriculum? Where are the Cafeteria Ladies?

What is needed is an investigative reporter to go into one of these "homeschools" and tell the world exactly what is going on. Sunlight makes the best disinfectant.

Luckily one investigative reporter for Eye Off the Wall was able to enter the perilous domain of one such "school." Here, we excerpt from her report, entitled "Homeschool Spin: The Dark Side."

What about the children? These children are being forced to read and learn. Their home is cluttered with books and so-called educational objects. Okay, that's fine, but where are the video games that children need to develop good fine motor and social skills? The images below will scare you. You will see just how these children are lacking in social skills. It's a disgrace.

Just who is teaching these kids?

To begin, let us introduce you to the mother of these poor children. Right off the bat you can tell there is something not right about her. I don't know about you but she's not quite what you picture when you think about home- schooling moms. This woman also has a drinking problem.

We can't emphasize this enough. This mother--the one supposedly responsible for teaching these poor children--has a drinking problem! (The intrepid reporter even photographed the contents of the refrigerator as evidence.) But the story only gets worse.

Gambling, Weapons, and Dangerous Animals abound in this homeschool. The first thing you see when you open the door is a pair of rodents scampering about. Then, a vicious dog comes from nowhere and tries to bite you.
[ . . . ]
Why else would there be a poker chip on the floor but for gambling? This mother insists it's a math manipulative, but I don't remember any such nonsense in my days at public school.

The reporter also found numerous weapons--sharp scissors--in this "homeschool."

But what about the children? They're crying for help:

The children are sending dangerous messages with the way they leave their toys and art work scattered about. They seem to be crying out "Please let us free!" We all know that children definitely send messages with their toys . . . dinosaurs heading off the edge of a counter, a picture pasted onto a door, a school bus headed for the back door . . . all say one thing: help us escape! (note the hairbrush on the floor by the toy bus. obviously this family does not take hygiene seriously.)

Is it normal for one family to have so many of these . . . inflatable globes...?

"Homeschoolers" are clearly a meanace to children. Get these kids to the nearest Government school, posthaste!

For their own sake.